I want to lie in bed with him all day…

and search his body for scars and watch his mouth as he tells me the stories of they came to be. I want to kiss his freckles and run my fingers through his hair and I want my feet to find his when we sleep. I want to wake up with his arms around me and his face nuzzled in my neck. I want him to slowly tickle my back and my ribs and the insides of my arms while he tells me about the surf that day. I want him to brush the hair off my face and kiss my eyelids and tell me I’m beautiful and all he’s ever wanted. I want to fall in love with him. And I want him to fall in love with me. And I really don’t think that’s too much to ask.

I would typically say yes, that is too much to ask. However, I already have all of these things and never realized just how lucky I really was until now. Having each and every one of these little things is a blessing in itself. My god…It’s a dream come true.



Today I was away...he called three or more times just to say hi and ask if I was coming home to him tonight. When I finally decided to come home, he proceeded to call me three more times in that short little drive home from Richmond. Each time was to see how much longer it would take me to return to our quaint little home on the beach. This is just one of the little things that makes me love him more.

The Lucky Ones

It's amazing to me how I used to think I was happy with the other guys I've dated...I don't think I have ever smiled or laughed more than when I am with you. Those other guys were nothing compared to you. Each one of them used and abused me in such a way that practically ruined me for all relationships to come. Then you came along; I'd never seen a man and actually swooned. With you, all it took was a glance. Within a few days, you were done with her and I was done with him. The only two people that kept us from getting closer were a thing of the past. We practically signed our lives away at that moment; being nearly inseparable for the past 2 years. We've had our quarrels and time apart, but I can't say that I would have done anything differently. I was only being me. Love is a strange thing that is hardly explainable, especially when the one is your also your best friend.

I hope that you know that all those little things you do, like randomly tickling my feet or always being sure to kiss me goodbye, never go unseen. I know that I am horrible at showing love, but I do consider myself lucky. I'm the lucky girl who got you. WE are the lucky ones who got each other. I know that you feel the same way. You make it known every day. Thank you for that <3

::yawn::

Good morning, America! I don't know if it's just me (and I highly doubt it is) but every morning...no matter what I NEED to get done, I find myself lunging for the laptop and cellphone. Checking emails and other more trivial things seems to be at the top of my list these days, rather than tending to more biologically urgent things. I find it helps me to wake up and get ready for the day.

With that being said, my Mom is visiting me today!!! I'm praying that she may be able to help me finish unpack finally. All I have left to do is fold clothes. Problem is, I hate folding and it's two ginormous boxes that are overstuffed with clothes that need to be folded. I hang all of my nicer things now, including t-shirts, since I have an abundance of hanging space. Unfortunately, there are certain things that just can't be hung. For instance, a zip up hoodie; I suppose I could hang those...they dont really fold well after all. Anywho, this is the only task that I haven't been able to motivate myself to do yet. Otherwise, my new whiteboard is working quite well!!

Help for Me; Help for You

I came across this 6 tips for self motivation and felt it necessary to share...

1. Have a cause.

A life without cause is a life without effect.
Unknown

2. Have a dream. A big dream.

Only as high as I reach can I grow, only as far as I seek can I go, only as deep as I look can I see, only as much as I dream can I be.
Karen Ravn

3. Be hungry.

Wanting something is not enough. You must hunger for it. Your motivation must be absolutely compelling in order to overcome the obstacles that will invariably come your way.
Les Brown

4. Run your own race.

I do not try to dance better than anyone else. I only try to dance better than myself.
Mikhail Baryshnikov

5. Take one more step.

Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.
Winston Churchill

6. Let go of the past.

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could.
Ralph Waldo Emerson


Above all others you begin with this:

People who are unable to motivate themselves must be content with mediocrity, no matter how impressive their other talents.
Andrew Carnegie

Solutions

I pondered and pondered my total lackadaisical attitude today and came up with a solution. WRITE IT ALL DOWN...So now I have a looong list of short term and long term things to do. I ran out of receipt paper before I could even come close to finishing the list...I'll finish it tonight before bed.

Damn..there's another one! Stop procrastinating!!!!

Once I complete the list (TONIGHT), I purchased a white board so that I can have it all written out where I will see it every morning. I'll have no choice if all of these things are staring me right in the face.

That is merely a temporary fix though. One of the items on my list is to rekindle my creative flame that used to drive me years ago. So, I'll be creating a collage of pictures and words that will be much more attractive rather than a stupid white board. ICK!

Problem solved :)

Sheer Laziness

I don't know what has happened to me...but I am one lazy girl. I can't find the motivation to do anything. When I say anything, I mean just about everything. I get out of bed at 10 instead of 8 now. I don't feel like cleaning or unpacking for that matter...I have fabulous photographers out the hoohah that want to schedule shoots and I just can't commit to any dates. I still need to get a super part time bartending gig to help with the bills. The examples could go on and on.

I want to be myself again...the girl that next stopped going.

Can someone please give me a swift kick to the rear? PLEASE?!

The small things...

Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.

The New Me..

Ok...So I think it all started with the big move. I feel completely different. My style, my attitude, my love for Paul, EVERYthing is different. It's like I had just found one more piece to this ginormous puzzle. On the 5th of this month, we moved!! The lady that was barely scraping by in the place that we wanted finally gave up and left. We were so stoked that let's just say...She moved out by 9pm Saturday night and we started to unload at 9pm Saturday morning. Immediately one of our neighbors popped his head out and gave a much needed helping hand.
Our living room was the main room we have spent money on. We designed the entertainment center at Ikea...I love that store! The couch is JUST the one I wanted and is absolutely perfect for the space :D I'm planning on painting one of the walls a medium brown to match one of the pillows.
The picture to the left of the bride and groom cracks me up. Paul brought this to the cart our first grocery shopping trip . It is now one of the decorations in the foyer..with the groom running out the door. Hilarious!
This last picture is behind the scenes of a fashion show for Mecedes Fashion Week in NYC. I was lucky enough to be one of the models in the show. OMG...when I first arrived the only thing I could think of was "I do NOT belong here!" All of the models were stunning and tall to boot. Me, only being 5'6 was one of the shortest models chosen for the event. At the end of the evening, I was told by Jeremy, the guy who did my hair, that I was apparently voted the most popular and model with the best hair. I was stunned! I met TONS of amazing people and openned soo many doors...I can't wait to see what happens in the next few months!!

My trip to New York was absolutely amazing. One of my best friends, Scott, was there at the same time and we made the trip unforgettable. I arrived Saturday night and he picked me up from the airport. Immediately, the party began. The next day we walked over 300 blocks on top of riding the subway all over. We experienced more than the typical tourist could possibly dream of in one day. AMAZING! My last night in town was spent at the fashion show and the after party was a one of the most exclusive clubs in New York. Let's just say Jay-Z, Justin Timberlake, and Jessica Alba were there...Sooo much fun! My Aunt made it up to see me in the show and we ended up flying back together. Now we are looking into renting a small studio in downtown so that we have a place to stay part time. I would be beyond thrilled!!

So all this being said...my look on life and everything else has changed in a way. I've hit an all time high and I'm going anywhere but down from here.

Standing on My Soap Box