In the next 5 years

I will...

Take more road trips
Get published
Shoot nude at least once
Take Paul to The World Series of Poker
Start drawing/painting again
See my paintings in a gallery
Get out of debt
Start my business with Paul
Travel to Ireland and Scotland
Get Invisalign
Take an extreme driving course
Finish my degree
Treat my mom, sister, and myself to a day at the spa
Go to a Steelers game
Skydive/bungee jump
Go to Las Vegas
Become a neater person
Write a Children's book
Get married
Buy a house
Paint a room in my house purple :)
Successfully grow a garden
Have a kid

I'm sure I'll do a lot more...But these are the things I really want to accomplish in the next 5 years.

Beauty & Riches

What a lovely Sunday I just had...I had a photo shoot at the Betsey Johnson Garden in Georgetown and oh my, I need to be rich. My first Betsey Johnson item I ever owned was a gift from my Aunt in high school. That was the day I fell in love with her store :) Anyone who has ever been shopping with me knows that I have a problem. I walk into a store and my eyes glimmer and my mouth drools for all of the luscious fabrics and colors. I'll be quite honest, I come from a long line of shopaholics. My grandmother had a personal shopper, my Aunt is a high end brand whore, my Mother likes anything that sparkles, and my 4year old cousin has known the difference between cotton and cashmere since she was born. I need these fabulous finds in my life...I need to be rich. Oh, what I could do with those purple metallic leopard leggings, or that awesomely fabulous striped cardigan with the skull on the back. Georgetown is the bane of my shopping existence. I just can't wait until I have the money to buy all of the things I could ever want. Is that horribly materialistic??

Here are a couple pictures from the shoot :)

I'm sick of the norm...

Sometimes I wish I were deaf so I could not hear the stupidity that comes from some people's lips. But if I were def I would miss out on on the beautiful sounds of this world, and the intelligent words that so few people speak. It's sad, really, to think that a person thinks it's just that funny or makes them look that much cooler. This world, or my world rather, is filled with immaturity and boring people that just make me want to slap myself. I want to slap myself just for being around them. Where are all the brilliant people that bring wonderful light to the world? Where are the curious and ambitious people like me, that just don't quite fit the norm? I want more out of life than the boring conversations that are seeming to surround me these days.

I am not one of them. I am not one of you.

But if that's all you see, then you don't see me. You can't see me.


Of course, I am not speaking of my friends here. I love my friends and I couldn't ask for better ones. This really just talks about the other people in my life right now...I'm really not sure if Norfolk/VA Beach is for me, or for Paul even.

Release...

Ok...This is just going to be a big rant. Every once in a while I need to do this and just get the shit out.

I live in a ghost town where the convenience store closes at 9 EVERY night or earlier.

The guys that live across from us have a huge work van and have no idea how to park. They make it impossible to park in my space in one maneuver.

The no u-turn sign right past my house is extremely inconvenient...seeing as I have to take a u-turn just to get home.

EVERY thing is 20 minutes away..Walmart, Target, the mall, the gym, work. The list goes on.

Paul's uber expensive pots and pans are the worst. Give me the cheap non stick over the pretty stainless steel any day.

The internet here SUCKS. The worst part about it is Cox Communications says, "That happens" and then charges us for every visit to try and fix the shit.

Saki, Paul's cat, is lucky I'm such an animal lover. She torments my kitty and pisses on everything. I've stopped Paul from throwing her outside 3 times now.

Walmart always has at least 3 beggars roaming the parking lot. I told the attendant and she replied, "Yeah,, Honey, they do that." What is it legal here??

Paul likes red wine and I like white. I buy him and I each a bottle of wine...which one does he drink? Mine. I'm not buying red wine any more.

On that note...I'm going to go finish that fine bottle of wine ;) I feel better now.

Those 3 Words

I got a random text from my love today. It read, "I love you." So short...yet it made my day. You see, today was a stress filled, nothing goes right day. These days are few and far between for me. I know this seems silly. After all, it's typically such an overused three words. In our case, it is not. We say these words in other ways and I like it that way. But damn...today it was nice. He's been reading my mind all day and I couldn't have needed it more on a day like today.

It's just not the same...

Tonight is the first night that you weren't home when I returned. It's too quiet...this doesn't feel like home. Our home is filled with random noises of you playing poker, or me pounding away at my keyboard, and the constant laughter between you and I. The only sound I hear is Saki's heavy paws wondering the house, searching for you. I had to add a noise; a noise that is familiar. I looked to my left for your computer. It was not there. I was hoping to play some of your music that puts us to sleep, but I'd have to find another solution. As I searched the room, there was your guitar. Oh how I wish I could do anything more than an ear curdling strum. I can not sleep. I don't even want to walk up those stairs and into our empty bedroom. That bed is too big for me alone. Maybe I'll join you on the couch. I know that oh so many miles away you are doing the same. Tonight I will rely on our overstuffed sofa to hold me tight. Of course, it could never be the same. Your arms hold me as though I was leaving. These pillows are more like your drunken arms; nearly pointless. I know that when I do finally lay my head down on this pillow I will fall asleep, and I'll wake up in the morning feeling the same emptiness. It's days like these that make me sure that nothing is the same without you...

Tattoos...

Lately, Paul and I have been discussing tattoos again. He can't stand his tribal band on his arm and would like to have a bigger tattoo take it over. I always said I'd never get one because I wouldn't be able to commit to anything. Well, a year and a half ago it hit me. I'm named after a flower; a flower with a ton of meaning behind it to boot. When I began to look at pictures of this Scottish flower I found a ton of images that only discouraged me...and then I came across this story. Apparently, my mother did a really good job naming me. I couldn't think of a better name for myself :) Here's the story:

When God first made the world, He looked at the bare and barren hillsides and thought how nice it would be to cover them with some kind of beautiful tree or flower. So he turned to the Giant Oak, the biggest and strongest of all of the trees he had made, and asked him if he would be willing to go up to the bare hills to help make them look more attractive. But the oak explained that he needed a good depth of soil in order to grow and that the hillsides would be far too rocky for him to take root.
So God left the oak tree and turned to the honeysuckle with its lovely yellow flower and beautiful sweet fragrance. He asked the honeysuckle if she would care to grow on the hillsides and spread her beauty and fragrance amongst the barren slopes. But the honeysuckle explained that she needed a wall or a fence or even another plant to grow against, and for that reason, it would be quite impossible for her to grow in the hills.
So God then turned to one of the sweetest and most beautiful of all the flowers - the rose. God asked the rose if she would care to grace the rugged highlands with her splendour. But the rose explained that the wind and the rain and the cold on the hills would destroy her, and so she would not be able to grow on the hills.Disappointed with the oak, the honeysuckle and the rose, God turned away. At length, he came across a small, low lying, green shrub with a flower of tiny petals -some purple and some white. It was a heather.
God asked the heather the same question that he’d asked the others. "Will you go and grow upon the hillsides to make them more beautiful?"The heather thought about the poor soil, the wind and the rain - and was not very sure that she could do a good job. But turning to God she replied that if he wanted her to do it, she would certainly give it a try.
God was very pleased.
He was so pleased in fact that he decided to give the heather some gifts as a reward for her willingness to do as he had asked. First, he gave her the strength of the oak tree - the bark of the heather is the strongest of any tree or shrub in the whole world. Next he gave her the fragrance of the honeysuckle - a fragrance which is frequently used to gently perfume soaps and potpourris. Finally he gave her the sweetness of the rose - so much so that heather is one of the bees favourite flowers. And to this day, heather is renowned especially for these three God given gifts.


And then I found one image that inspired my drawing:



Here's the finished product:



It's a little bigger than Paul's hand and designed to grow from the side of my hip bone up, wrapping up my side. Now, a year and a half later, I think I'm ready. But that word think worries me. So, I'll keep pondering it. Maybe I'll frame this drawing to see what happens...Of course I couldn't think of a better thing that defines me so perfectly, and I drew it myself. Ehhh decisions...