Old Writing..."Journeys"

I have plenty of things that stand between me and the things that I desire. Like a dreamy swade and gold necklace, broken, I pick up the peices, and try to mend what is left behind. It's nothing between my love and I, but work. Work, work, work. I've learned that with responsibility, comes irresponsible people, who you just cannot rely on. It's hard. It's frustrating. For once in my life, I have money to live the life I want to live. Unfortunately, all of my time is taken up by this responsibility.

I was talking to my mom the other day, and she said....

Heather, I'm so happy for you. You are finally the girl that you originally were. The girl who, no matter what the circumstances, was happy-go-lucky. The girl who had the ability to turn any frown upside down. The girl who always knew right from wrong, and the one who always led the pack, with no inclination of doing so.

This sparked my mind...Why am I wasting all of my time on money?? I'm happy where I am, however, is it what I WANT? No. When I originally moved back to Richmond, I finally started my business, HD Marketing. I have about 5 people per week ask me how it's going. Each and every time I respond, well...it's going, but all I have time for is Cha Cha's. I've broken sales records for days, even months, at Cha Cha's. But is it what I WANT? No. How do I abandon the stability and go forth with my dreams?? This is the question I face today, tomorrow, and the rest of the days I continue with this job. When do I end this successful journey, and lead my own??

Away...

Boy, has it been a busy two months! I have a new job that I enjoy...I'm actually saving money rather than barely surviving...and I'm finally moving into a new place with Paul at the end of the week. I took a hiatus from blogging due to a severe case of what I call dreameritis. I realized that I was icing a cake that was crumbling too quick to mend. So, I took a step away and reevaluated my relationship with Paul. We both had fallen into this rut, as if we'd been married 20 years and the fun was all gone. This became abruptly apparent when we returned to Richmond. We talked about just giving up, but that was decidedly a waste of time...we've never been able to stay apart for long. After working through everything and taking a good hard look at what we'd become, we decided together that we'd start fresh. The honeymoon has returned and has been going strong over a month now. I think we've both realized the personal issues we had and fixed them...no more boring nights hacking away at my keyboard while he watches a movie, and no more poker playing during dinner, among other things. I may not be writing as much here for a while, not until I have something really interesting to write about. I'm thinking about starting a foodie blog...rather than writing pointless posts and boring you anymore than I already have ;)

I bid you a due...Until next time

This is Cully, signing off...

Broken

This state we are in is not satisfying...It began when we returned to Richmond; a story that was told in my dreams and stressed over until it became a reality. Why is this city that we call home, and grew to love and miss, so bad for us?? What is it about this town that makes you throw up barriers so hard to be broken down? I asked you the other night, after a week of odd behavior, if you still loved me. Your response was one that I never could have expected, although better than the latter. I find myself in a state of depression which is so unlike me; sleeping every chance I get, just to keep myself preoccupied from deep thought. You say I am naive...and that just may be the case, however I think much differently than you, my love. We were much better than before. You only think mathematically in terms of sex, when I look at the whole. Your affection is weak...and has been since we first broke up. I reminded you of how we were years ago and I know that you agree. Your stubborn mind won't allow you to admit, but you broke my heart more than once and it was broken two nights ago. You say we need to work on things...I've started. Have you?

Charm

I'm glad I let you go, my love
You see
You and me
We weren't always right together
But we were always meant to be

Luck

We haven't always had the best of luck. In fact, together, we might just be one of the unluckiest couples out there. But something is different all of a sudden...the weight is gone, creativity is at a high, and things are falling into place just like we would want them to. Maybe the stars are on our side again...

Life, I gotta hand it to you! You really know when to come around.

Bones

Sometimes I feel like my bones might just collapse under all this pressure...all the dreams that always feel so real and almost attainable, then all of it comes crashing down on me again. I know these battles will only make me stronger. A little piece inside of me dreams of a better life, an easier life, where things may be handed to me; not on a golden platter, but a silver one will do. I'm not saying I don't like the battles...I just want more. I need more.

Sometimes I feel like my bones are collapsing...and then I breathe, and everything is ok.

Anniversaries...

Out of the blue, Paul looks at me tonight and says, "It kinda sucks...We don't have an anniversary." I chuckle and respond, we don't need a date. You see, we have everything we need just knowing we're happy together. He then suggests we break up and get right back together and make today our anniversary. I really can't stress it enough...but I seriously love this man.